Here You Go, Ridley Scott, More Alien Sequels Ideas

Those overly solicited badasses in science fiction movies, almost invincible oval-heads generically named “Aliens”, have been running out of sparring partners lately, getting bored of only predators and humans.

There have been recent pleas from Sigourney Weaver’s children (yes, they still call her “mum”) to get them yet another sequel, as they’re ready to smash some more heads. So here’s our trilogy suggestion list of potential super-contenders that might just go for it and provide even more fun than just the lousy humans or the already boring predators.

1. Alien vs. Nazi

OK, so let’s start off with a pretty obvious and trivial idea (surprisingly enough, it hasn’t been done yet).

Imagine those poor aliens having to wear an armband with the star of Sigourney just walking on the streets of their planet. Or being forced to work, most probably in Germany’s waste management industries, due to their corrosive acid abilities. And then being forced to watch naked pictures of Chancellor Angela Merkel. The Horror!

I would see a great setup for a major revolt here, resulting in making the historically incorrect Inglorious Basterds look like a very precise and peaceful documentary for pussies, compared to Alien vs. Nazi.

2. Alien vs. Justin Bieber

Now this takes things to a whole different level. The German Aryan army is reduced to just a single Canadian, but OH WHAT A DESTRUCTIVE ONE!

Our beloved overly aggressive aliens would have to put up not only with Bieber’s lack of talent, but also with a massive amount of media marketing and spam touting him as the next fucking Jesus Christ of infant musical predators (pun intended).

The Alien’s acid secretions would sweeten at the speed of five diabetes per second merely by hearing Justin’s latest song produced by Usher. Honestly, I don’t think that if this confrontation were ever to be put in a film, any screenwriter could see the Aliens victorious in such a weary battle.

3. Alien vs. Urinary Infection

This time we’re considering a more abstract battle. This sequel would start off as a less horror, action or sci-fi one, but more like a dramatic one. Putting the Aliens into a whole new different perspective, we’d be familiarized with their daily life, possibly the one of an average Alien family, with problems at work, fights between parents, taking kids to school and all kinds of mundane activities.

Then, the story would, of course, focus more on the main character, an old Human War II veteran, played by Clint Eastwood, who quit chopping off human heads a while ago, and now he even feels remorse and has brutal flashbacks about it.

And just when he thinks life can’t get shittier, BOOM, he gets hit by a Urinary Infection. I know, this might be quite the shock and possibly only a European director could take this sort of atrocity in his hands to shoot, but I bet my money it would jerk some tears all over the world. Especially when good ol’ Alien Clint realizes that in order to cure his Urinary Infection he has to kill the whole human race, and after an OUTRAGEOUS killing spree just like in the old days, he decides to let the humans live on and accepts his condition, without harming anyone anymore.

And then, naturally, like in any movie that wants to sell tickets, Alien Bruce Willis would appear and just suck the Urinary Infection out of Clint’s crotch, resurrect some million humans and restore peace in the world forever. Get it?