Five Hilarious And Moronic Sex Stories
June 1, 2010 by Ted36 Comments
For some people something as simple and natural as making love can turn into tragedy. For them. Because for the most of us, some sex stories we hear or read about are just downright hilarious and they would be even funnier if the end result would be permanent sexual disabilities, rather than babies. Something like the Darwin Awards for terrible sexual endeavors.
Daddy’s Girl
A Los Angeles business owner by the name of Arnold G. was horrified to find out he was unsuspectingly engaged to be married to his own daughter.
After his fiance’s dad admitted that his wife was artificially inseminated since he couldn’t father a child, the man flashed back to his college years when he made over 800 deposits in a sperm bank. Arnold obtained a court injunction to inspect the records and found that he was the father of his bride-to-be and 806 other children.
Sure enough, the wedding was called off.
When Women Decide to Show Men Who’s Boss
A woman decided to show her boyfriend who’s boss by stealing his keys and hiding them up her conchita.
Surprisingly enough, she apparently harbored a bermuda triangle up there so an emergency room doctor couldn’t find the keys… despite them obviously knowing their location. They must have fallen out somewhere, without asking for permission, or maybe something ate them up, you never know …
Say It With Flowers
A man decided to surprise his love with a flower… inserted in his urethra. He picked a Geranium from their garden and pushed the stem up his pee hole. Not unexpectedly, the hairy fibers on the stem tore his urethra to shreds and he needed to have immediate surgery. We’re pretty sure the wife was still quite surprised, although perhaps not in the manner he expected.
The Dangers of Getting Dirty Down Under
An Australian woman was masturbating to some porn when she shot her vibrating “Roo” (Australia’s version of the rabbit, but I guess they call it Kangaroo there) straight out of her vagina with a powerful orgasm. The toy bounced off the floor and ricocheted out the window into oncoming traffic.
She then leaned out the window to get a visual and wound up falling out of her home and onto the road, ass up, but with a grin on her face. Ironically enough she almost got ran over by a truck that was transporting some Kangaroos back into the wild. As for her ‘Roo, she says, “He’s got some bruises, but he can still hop with the best of them.”
Reproduction: Should Be A Privilege
America, 21st century: a married couple was desperately trying to have a baby. On the edge of losing all hope, they sought professional help. Dr. Levine was quite surprised to find out that the hubby was mistakenly dry humping his wife’s inner thighs, much like what most of us used to do back in the 7th grade.
Not to be too radical, but maybe if you can’t figure out how to reproduce, it just might be a good sign that you shouldn’t.
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you ignorant fuck,
a kangaroo is not related in any way to a rabbit and does not look anything like a rabbit. Kangaroo is most certainly not australia’s name for rabbit.
fucking google it you ignorant fat american fuck
Dude, I was saying that the Kangaroo is what Aussie call the Rabbit VIBRATOR, not the animal (@ the moron above)
Dumb Aussies,can’t even read or comprehend an article properly.
Hilarious. I like Levine’s story.
And poster #1 is a moron, for sure. Not only being completely oblivious of what “rabbit” might mean, but then over reacting like the typical Internet slime. Makes you worry about humanity a little.
@wtf
pwned
haha, “wtf” calm down, I love when people flame someone else for being ignorant, and it turns out they’re the ignorant ones. love it.
Ted, I am impressed that you replied so politely. Not sure I would have done the same.
HAHAHA PWNED YOU IMBECILIC FOREIGN FUCK
@WTF – you are a fucking moron. the “rabbit” is a dildo, just like thew “roo”
WTF YOU IGNORANT FUCK? Google it!
hahaha, what a fucking idiot
roflmao What a moron.. I mean really.. Why read an article about sex if you don’t even know what a Rabbit is… Some people need to keep their comments to themselves.. Save themselves the humiliation of showing their true supidity.
@ wtf…you should probably learn how to read before you start shooting off your fucking mouth…jackass! Oh and what kind of a dummy sticks things in the pee hole? Another jackass!
HAHA that Aussie moron doesn’t get it.
In any event, not a single one of these stories is true.
#1 – did you even READ the paragraph, or just looking for something to bitch about? Did you honestly think that the woman had an ACTUAL kangaroo in her vagina? Someone is certainly an “ignorant fuck”, but it’s not the author of the article. You stupid bastard.
Okay, that is even more hilarious than the post. For the sake of the gene pool I hope he’s humping his wife’s inner thigh
wtf: fucking google it you ignorant fat foreign fuck.
LOL @ the idiot Aussie who thinks we don’t know what a kangaroo is. LOL. With the black and white color and the bamboo eating how could anyone mistake it for anything else? LOOL
Who is the idiot now? lol OUCH! LEARN HOW TO READ ( to the first comment )
This was pretty funny.
Ahahaha, what’s worse? That this @wtf guy didn’t get the joke or that he thought the poor woman was screwing a kangaroo, then blasted the poor mammal out of her cooch onto the road?
The internet is a funny place.
Faith in man restored.
Goes to show some people are over eager to jump on Americans for being ignorant, when in fact, they only display their own.
Jesus, wtf, ‘roid rage much? Your handle is rather appropriate.
Interesting article. Somewhat “EEEWWWW”-inducing, but still interesting.
One small problem.
They’re called rabbits here in Australia. Just like they are in America. iVibe Rabbit by doctor someone.
Why does it have to be assumed that we can’t have the same products as you because we live in crazy Australia. Seriously, we’re not that backwards…..
Incidently, theres 1000′s of different versions of the “rabbit” concept. All sorts of different animals have been used.
Stupid xenophobes…..
*insert flame here*
Just one small thing…
They’re called rabbits here in Australia. Just like they are in America. iVibe Rabbit by doctor someone.
Why does it have to be assumed that we can’t have the same products as you because we live in crazy Australia. Seriously, we’re not that backwards…..
Incidently, theres 1000′s of different versions of the “rabbit” concept. All sorts of different animals have been used.
Stupid xenophobes…..
*insert flame here*
he may of got the kangaroo part way past wrong, but doesnt change the rest of his comment. fucking americans. most countries teach their kids about other countries history, flaura. fauna etc, but in the usa your just told how much better you think you are than everyone else.
you will be rubble soon with only a chinese flag left standing.
Fuck you yanks
Best first comment ever… way funnier then the article!
@No one likes america
Too right mate! On the other hand, perhaps your country should’ve taught you the english language, one of the more predominant languages in the world, before you went online and voiced your radical opinion without so much as an education or any real factual backing to your child-like outburst.
I won’t speak out against your country since I have no reason to hate other countries whereas apparently you have a reason (albeit a crappy reason at that) to hate america.
@noonelikesamerica
lol u mad?
lol WTF gives us aussies a bad name.. for the record, i know what a rabbit and a kangaroo is, and they both feel great up the cooch
wow, aussies are effing dumb, huh?
i had no idea…
Yer all dumb. And guess what…that’s what.
@noonelikesamerica
lol u mad?
I went to school in Bloomsburg…which makes this story 10x funnier
M amazd by hw pple wil fyt to prove they knw a certain type of vibrator. Rabbit, kangaroo who gves a shit. Wat hapend to gud ol fashion pricks. Fuckn pervets! Im glad i live in africa!
stupid aussies. at least our country doesn’t originate from a bunch of british prisoners