How Using Your Psychology Degree to Analyze Your Family Will Drive You Insane

Now that you’ve got a psychology degree, where do you want to start? Who should you help first? You may think “my screwed-up, dysfunctional family”, but you’re far from right. Trite catchphrases sprouted from some grains of truth, which is why ‘they’ say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. But who is they? Your entire family, that’s who. Wielding your psychology degree as a weapon, even if you see it as battling darkness with the light, may wind up poking a few eyes out either by hurting someones feelings, unintentionally burning a bridge, or coming off as an arrogant know-it-all. It may be possible to use psychology to remedy some situations, but only after you’ve mastered the art of tact. All your meaning-well may backfire if you try and apply the rules of psychology to the criminals and derelicts you call family, and here’s how.

1 Once a Baby, Always a Baby

You may know more about any subject (not limited to psychology) than all of your family members combined, but if you’re considered the baby of the family, it may not matter at all. There are two different definitions of a family baby: the person who acts like the baby, and the person who is the baby by age. If you’re the baby of the family even though you have three younger siblings and twice as many younger cousins, it may be due to your childish attitude. In this case, getting your family to listen up to some straightforward psychology will most definitely not work. You may inspire laughter or anger, but figuring out how to use manipulative tactics such as reverse psychology may serve you better than suddenly trying to establish open lines of deep and meaningful communication. This may also be a frustrating way to solve problems or even get what you want, since always having to rely on some form of trickery can get pretty annoying. If you’re the baby because of age alone, it may be easier to wield your psychology degree as a means to solving problems or even getting others to listen to you. However, you must make sure that you are not confused with the bad-attitude-baby. No matter your age, your parents may be simply uninterested in “all that psycho mumbo-jumbo, son”, tell you to get back to setting the table at Thanksgiving dinner, and turn the volume up on the football game.

2 The Help is Unwanted

As this wildly popular Facebook Group so eloquently states, You Can’t Help Someone That Don’t Want to be Helped. Believe it or not, some people quite like wallowing in their problems — not necessarily because they genuinely enjoy feelings of anger and sadness, but because negative attention or anger may be the only coping mechanisms they have ever known. Even if a person complains about their problems, they may not actually want to do anything about it. In fact, some people complainbecause they don’t want to take action. Whining and acting upset are sometimes easier paths to take than the hard road to eradicating deep-rooted issues; therapy, self-help, and a lot of time and effort are sometimes things people are not willing to commit to. It may be especially hard to watch someone in a situation like this if they’re related to you, and the same goes for the ability to deal with said situation. It’s often easier for a person to open up to a complete stranger than it is for them to speak frankly with a family member. Fear of being judged, unwillingness to give away certain information, or unwillingness to appear ‘weak’ in front of those who know the person may deter an individual from opening up to family members. Don’t use your psychology degree as a crowbar; you can’t pry your way in to anyone’s inner thoughts. The best thing to do when concerned about a family member who is reluctant to open themselves to you despite your psychology degree is to recommend a treatment center or therapist who you trust is a professional, highly qualified doctor.

3 You’ve Got Issues, Too

Your family has issues, but so do you. So does everyone else. There isn’t a person in this world without any problems or flaws at all. Although your issues may not be terrible, large, or either, your family has seen and dealt with them for the entirety of your life (unless you ran away from home at the age of 13 to become a genius psychologist, in which case you probably wouldn’t care enough about your screwed-up, neglectful family to even call). Suddenly trying to deal with intimate problems using your psychology degree may lead a family member to become defensive and either press your buttons or bring up your own issues as a weapon against you. On a less malicious note, it’s also likely that your own issues may be easily triggered by the actions or words of the people you know best — but won’t do well to pop up in a conversation whose goal is not to end in an argument.

4 Knowing Each Other Too Well

Psychologists and therapists all have one thing in common with their patients: they are almost complete strangers to one another outside the doctor’s office. At least, they should be. It’s hard to keep a purely objective perspective on things when the person you’re talking to is a family member; knowing one another too well can cloud judgment and even cause more unnecessary problems. The person with the psychology degree, fresh out of school and laden with enthusiasm, may make unfair or untrue assumptions about the family member in question. Even if those assumptions are true, the possibility of offending the other person is still there, if that person feels harshly judged or misunderstood. Knowing a person well can also be irritating; when you’re so used to Uncle Joe lying about the money he was lent, impulse may encourage lashing out with angry words or criticism. It may also be that a clever family has noticed the graduate’s degree in psychology and decided to dance around it, playing into the graduate’s knowledge of psychology to manipulate that person. Psychology involves seeking for the truth through objectivity, not inserting subjective judgments and opinions. This can also pose a problem when talking to two or more family members who confide in you about the same issue — the want to share information, to protect, to divulge, and to diffuse by means of mediation can all be too strong.

5 Perpetual Problems

Even a dysfunctional family can be a happy one. Not every problem needs to be solved in order for a group of people to enjoy one another’s company. Sometimes it’s best to just ‘leave it alone’ and move on. Accepting your family for who they are is infinitely important; no matter the amount of therapy, effort, or problem-solving, your family will always drive you crazy. But you love them! So stop over-analyzing everything, sit back, and try to find some joy in old Aunt Jane passing out drunk at the table while your mother calls the police on your brother-in-law for peeing in her vegetable garden.