Star Wars Scout Walker Command Tower Circa 1983

If you were a kid growing up in the 70s and early 80s then going to the movie theater and watching Star Wars: Return of the Jedi for the sixth time was the peak of your cinematic experience. And who can blame you? I still get excited when Luke jumps off his bike sending it crashing into a tree. Well, if you’re that kid, all of us growing up in the safe 90s envy you, because in our time no toy manufacturer would even consider releasing this masterpiece to the masses. It’s probably the single coolest swing set accessory in the history of mankind, a child-sized speeder bike swing, attached to a Scout Walker Command Tower. How freaking cool is that!

The advertisement reads
FEATURING A 4-SOUND ELECTRONIC CONSOLE.
Gym-Dandy brings Jedi excitement to America’s backhards. Little Jedi Knights can swing on the sturdy Speeder Bike and activate 4 great sound effects: Laser Cannons, Turnstile Guns, Scout Walker and Proton Torpedoes! To find the Gym-Dandy dealer near you, dial toll-free: 800-447-4700.

Although little Leia in the advertisement above seems to doubt the solidity of this contraption, people who have actually owned say it was “fairly” safe, unless you fell off, which happened pretty much half the time. But no one has complained so far.

These are actual pictures from someone trying to sell it online, because he’s apparently all grown up now and he doesn’t wanna remember how he became the luckiest kid in the block and everybody’s best friend.

The command center had sound effects and blinking lights. These ones actually still work, provided someone replaces the batteries.

Going through these pictures has had two major effects on me: One is realizing that you can never be too old, cool or serious to want your own Star Wars Scout Walker Command Tower with an attached Speeder Bike and the second is an uncontrollable urge of watching Star Wars: The Return of the Jedi for the 128th time.