Online Journalism Classes According to Ron Burgundy

May 10, 2012 by Justin C3 Comments

I’m Ron Burgundy, and today I’d like to discuss online journalism classes – history’s oldest form of education. A lot of people think e-learning is for poindexters, but they’re all a bunch of lying, flea-bitten hobos, traditional liberal arts programs are filling up with business school dropouts and it is now better to study from the comfort of your own home, among your personal collection of leather-bound books.

If you want to take an online journalism class, first look into a mirror to make sure you’re either a man or a pretty lady. Then, do some research about schools that offer online journalism classes. For this step, you will need access to the Internet, a virtual library of information and pornography that was invented by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in 1973. There are literally dozens of websites on the Internet, and all of them discuss online journalism classes at great length. But before you start forkin’ over the dough, check out some of the free online journalism courses offered by Poynter News University.

A lot of online colleges are nothing but damned impostors. Make sure your school-of-choice matches up with The Database of Accredited Secondary Programs and Institutions, a website maintained by the U.S. Department of Education. If you’re a college student, chances are you’re poorer than a Tijuana hooker. So don’t spend money on classes that won’t earn you a legitimate degree.

Once you’ve enrolled in some beginner-level classes and you think you’ve got the chops to make it in this business, figure out what kind of journalism you want to study. If you have a stunning jaw line and flawless teeth – or you’re a nerd who knows how to operate a camera – then broadcast journalism might be your true calling. If you like to write or take non-pornographic photos and you don’t care about being unemployed in the next two years, then check out print media. Web journalism is a hot trend with all the kids, since a lot of magazines and newspapers are strictly online now. No matter what you decide, online classes have you covered – and a lot of them cater to your busy schedule.

A lot of academic experts and other smart people recommend taking non-journalism classes. Fields like communications, history, creative writing, political science, economics and computer science will help you understand the topics that working journalists write about today. In real life college, students waste their time taking classes like P.E. and psychology because they are full of loose women. But since you’re getting your degree online, you won’t have to worry about dodging harlots.

According to a New York Times article by Brian Stelter, advertising has become very important to online journalism. So it can’t hurt to take some marketing classes while you’re earning an online journalism degree. These courses will teach you how to find classy sponsors, such as Clubman Moustache Wax or Balvenie Scotch Whisky. You will also develop a firm handshake and learn how to seduce women with fleeting glances.

If you want to study ‘the oldest profession in the world’ but you like saving money and staying home, then online journalism classes are the way to friggin’ go. Once you’ve earned your degree, all you need to succeed are a strong work ethic, sophisticated palate and willingness to sleep with network executives. ‘Til then, stay classy, Internet.


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