People Who Have Actually Read the Entire Bible

atheists and the bible piechart

Comments

91 Responses to “People Who Have Actually Read the Entire Bible”
  1. miguelk says:

    mmm…I get the idea but is hard to believe that many atheists read the whole thing…

  2. you are a fool says:

    out of every prick i have met that calls himself an athiest, only one has actually read the fucking thing

  3. Jimmy says:

    That chart is not backed by one single piece of convincing evidence (and note here, that evidence does not consist of atheists’ personal experiences). However, if we are speaking primarily of experience, then it has been my experience that atheists for the most part, lack a systematic understanding of Biblical theology. At times this is an embarrassment for the skeptic since some atheists are former fundamentalist Christians who saw the Bible in black and white terms. This black and white view of the Bible has carried over into their atheistic readings of the Bible whereby to attack the Bible, they invariably attack it from a strictly literal interpretation, i.e. young earth views, various scientific judgments, inerrancy, etc. I expect this from fundamentalist atheists like Dawkins and Hitchens, but a lack of understanding of systematic theology is also present in atheists like philosopher Michael Martin. What it seems to point to is that atheists like to think that they have *read* the Bible, but reading the Bible and understanding it on its own terms — and perhaps just as important — understanding a systematic view, are two different things. No doubt atheists like to flaunt contradictions left and right, and no doubt many think they understand the Bible better than Christians, but I have yet to see the two views come together as anything other than a black and white, literal interpretation attack of the Bible.

  4. Some Asshole says:

    Hah! /s

  5. Medisoft says:

    Source? (or is this supposed to be funny?)

  6. stupidchart says:

    hey
    let’s make up a pie chart with absolutely no numbers or research to back it up !

  7. Karen says:

    Well, read it twice. Am none of the above.

  8. Yep says:

    Good to see this is based off something, and not just atheists thinking they’re better than everyone else.

    Pricks.

  9. Zac says:

    They call themselves atheists but I suppose many of those believe in the invisible hand of the market. One of many double standards.

  10. Chris says:

    That’s funny, in the Army I ran into several atheists / agnostics that claimed to have read the whole Bible and would say things like “God helps those who help themselves” is in the Bible right? It’s NOT! Skimming through the Bible to pretend like you can challenge people claiming to be christians does not count as reading the Bible. At least read to the level that you’re trying to understand and remember legitimate thing please.

  11. God says:

    Some Atheists may have read the Bible, but this doesn’t mean that they’ve understood the Bible. To read the Bible and to claim thereafter that God does not exist — this act alone shows how Atheists have utterly failed to understand a single thing pertaining to the Bible.

  12. Anonymous says:

    ROFL, ITT: a bunch of butthurt christfags complain about the inaccuracy of a chart in a joke! get over it, if half you so called christians read your stupid book and realized just how ridiculous your beliefs are, we would all be atheist. ffs, satan kills 10 people in the entire bible, whereas god kills MILLIONS. favorite part is how christians cherry pick which parts are “to be taken literally” as if god himself told them. so, hate fags, but ignore the part about stoning to death those who work on the sabbath. hypocritical ignorant asshats.

  13. logik says:

    @Jimmy

    When you say “understand the bible” I can’t help but think you’re referring to the common Christian practice of picking and choosing what parts of the bible are relevant and what aren’t (generally based on what is most convenient at the time). IF you are going to pick and choose how you PERSONALLY interpret the bible than you cannot judge how someone else PERSONALLY interprets it. If everyone who truly ‘understands’ the bible saw the metaphors as being just that, metaphors, that would be one thing but they don’t, you don’t, I don’t and the OP doesn’t.

    This graph was obviously intended to be funny, and when you try and analyze it it only shows exactly the point the author was trying to convey.

    ‘Understanding the bible’ is just another way of saying ‘skip over the parts that you don’t like’… and I don’t like ANY of it.

  14. User Loser says:

    Atheist especially after I read the Bible. I was on the edge before I read it after I did I couldn’t believe or believe any body believed the frigging thing. Now I know why Roman Catholics are discouraged from reading the Bible.

  15. Ben says:

    Relax idiots. It’s supposed to be a laugh. As an athiest that has read the bible though, Jimmy I feel sorry for the large block of text you needed to write that not a single person will read.

  16. An Atheist with a sense of humor says:

    I think you idiots are forgetting that this is supposed to be largely humorous. It’s also not so much pointing to the fact that atheists all consider themselves to be the authorities on religion, but more so that, more often than not, non-believers and less-than-devout folks are more knowledgeable about religion than the “religious” people with the loudest voices. For ten every bible beating, holier-than-thou pricks I’ve met, I’ve met one who’s done more learning about his own (let alone various) religion(s) than I have.

  17. @Jimmy:

    No, it isn’t. It’s a joke. In my personal experience it is a joke with some basis (as most good jokes are) as most of the people I have met who have read the bible (myself included) are atheists, but it’s still just a joke.

  18. @ Jimmy:
    That BIBLE is not backed by one single piece of convincing evidence (and note here, that evidence does not consist of CHRISTIANS personal experiences). However, if we are speaking primarily of experience, then it has been my experience that CHRISTIANS for the most part, lack a systematic understanding of Biblical theology. At times this is an embarrassment for the DEVOUT since some CHRISTIANS are former ATHEISTS who saw the Bible in COLORFUL terms. This COLORFUL view of the Bible has carried over into their CHRISTIAN readings of the Bible whereby to attack ATHEISTS, they invariably attack it from a strictly literal interpretation, i.e. young earth views, various scientific judgments, inerrancy, etc. I expect this from fundamentalist CHRISTIANS like FRED PHELPS and PAT ROBERTSON, but a lack of understanding of systematic theology is also present in CHRISTIANS like philosopher Michael Martin. What it seems to point to is that CHRISTIANS like to think that they have *read* the Bible, but reading the Bible and understanding it on its own terms — and perhaps just as important — understanding a systematic view, are two different things. No doubt CHRISTIANS like to flaunt PERFECTION left and right, and no doubt many think they understand the Bible better than THE AUTHORS, but I have yet to see the two views come together as anything other than a black and white, literal interpretation attack on ATHEISTS.

  19. Tony L says:

    Jimmy – really? the bible is one of the worst books ever written. it is long, redundant, poorly structured, and consistently contradicts itself, among other things. claiming that there is a systemic theology of the bible is a complete joke because it is an established fact that there were multiple writers with multiple motivations which doesn’t even begin to address the issue of the fact that the bible wasn’t even codified until at least 400 ad. several important and dissenting stories/gospels were left out. which gets to real point – the only thing that believers have is the claim of faith. that is it. fine. have your faith. it doesn’t make god real. it just means that you believe. emanuel kant is one of the smartest and most thorough philosophers of human history and even he could not prove the existence of god, although he gave it some valiant effort. dawkins has clearly shown the statistical probabilities of god’s existence and the burden of proof in my opinion is on the believers and all you guys come up with is – “it’s a matter of faith.” that’s just a big cop out. grow up. prove god’s existence or go home and shut up about it because no one cares that you believe in santa claus and the easter bunny. and really, i think the pie chart is a joke to make a point which is that most believers don’t really pay attention to what they claim to believe.

  20. Joshua says:

    I am seeing an ad for Happy Tree Friends… yeah, it’s supposed to be funny.

    I am certainly amused, though. Haha.

  21. josh says:

    I’m an atheist, and I went to catholic school for grades 6-12 and I’ve read pretty much the whole book. Lots of contradictions and ridiculousness. Not to mention when you start asking questions, or even making the comment back to a teacher about how you feel her comments on protestants going to hell for not being catholics is absurd gets you called the antichrist in front of class and banned from asking anymore questions, well, now you see why some of us become atheists.

    Personally, I don’t care what anyone chooses to believe, as long as it makes them happy and they are violent about it, I have no problem. Just please refrain from constantly chattering to me about it and I’ll then refrain from telling you what I think.

  22. josh says:

    oops, typo. are should be are not. you’ll see it

  23. Some other asshole says:

    Jimmy says:
    “I don’t like atheists, therefore they’re wrong. Also I know the RIGHT interpretation of the Bible, and it’s certainly not literal. And no, there’s no possible way you and I reading the same book could POSSIBLY interpret it differently, only Jesus can tell you the right way to interpret it.”

    Funny how you mentioned that the chart isn’t backed up by a single piece of convincing evidence… a chart about the Bible… full of claims that also aren’t backed up by a single piece of convincing evidence…

    Wait… are you a Poe?

  24. Professor Science says:

    I’m an athiest who has read the majority of it. I’ll admit I got bored toward the end and didn’t bother too much with the Psalms. The Jesus part was sooo boring.

    No sure how you can interpret all the incest and violence that takes place in the Old Testament as anything but black and white dude. A man has sex with his two daughters, and God is all cool with it. A man offers his daughter to be raped by a mob in order to save an angel. It’s some messed up shit.

  25. Kirby L. Wallace says:

    Man… talk about making shit up…..

  26. lol says:

    lol retarded comments…guess what jimmy dickhead, nobody cares…when i was in 10th grade i smoked a joint with bible papers during a church retreat…go fuck yourself

  27. M.Gaigan says:

    Jimmy, nobody likes a know it all. I WIN!

  28. M.Gaigan says:

    and one more thing Jimmy, EAT A DICK! I WIN AGAIN!

  29. Barry L. says:

    C’mon guys, of course it’s a joke. So called christians need to develope a sense of humor.

  30. wikiBuddha says:

    I think Buddhists should be represented.

  31. Tracy Lynn Ford says:

    @Jimmy: “..an embarrassment for the skeptic”…….a lack a systematic understanding of Biblical theology”,……”understanding it on its own terms”…etc. are all purely subjective statements that don’t add any merit to your position. And it’s really presumptuous of you to state that “there’s no doubt atheists like to flaunt contradictions left and right.” Although I consider myself agnostic with a bias towards believing in Christianity, I know a few atheists and I’ve never heard them do such a thing. They simply don’t believe in God. They don’t go around starting debates about there lack of such a belief. Quite the contrary, in my experience it’s the religious zealots that are often very vocal about their positions on the subject of faith.

    Frankly it’s illogical to assume that someone who simply doesn’t believe that the bible is the word of God just doesn’t understand it (and in your argument, is even embarrassed by this lack of understanding). Using your argument, one could state that if you don’t believe that the Koran is the true word of God then you just haven’t studied it properly. Or the Talmud for that matter. Or Dianetics. How can you be certain that these are not the true Word unless you have a “systemetic understanding of their theology” and understand them “on their own terms.” (Whatever that means.) There’s a reason it’s called a LEAP of faith. At some point you have to take the gospels your reading on faith.

  32. Hoff says:

    read correctly, the bible is the greatest case for atheism known to man – Isaac Asimov

    i think u havent been reading it correctly jimmy boy

  33. brdy says:

    anthro students ftw

  34. Mr. Laugh says:

    I find it funny that people are actually under the impression that this represents actual research. Just goes to show how intelligent they really are. Whether or not these same people who ‘disagree with the graph’ are religious, really doesn’t matter. lmfao

  35. SeekerofPearl says:

    Blasphemy, another piece of misinformation.

  36. WS says:

    Like any competency, don’t comment until you have a fairly good understanding of what you are saying.

    I recommend: “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the Bible” as a good starting point.

    More serious than the saying that if you open your mouth and remove all doubt that you are a fool, the internet leaves a permanent record of that as well.

  37. GL says:

    The bible is the only book in school that teaches children how to sin. Shit, what part of the bible ISN’T talking about sin? Reading and understanding the bible turns you into a devil. A lot of people read it I guess but it’s just too damn long.

  38. Andrew says:

    Methinks this is all a Red Herring. Debates about the validity and accuracy of The Bible are about as worthwhile as debates about the validity and accuracy of Marvel Comics No. 116. Fiction is fiction is fiction.

    For the record, I have no idea what Marvel Comics No. 116 is – or, for that matter, if it exists at all. But that only strengthens my point, really ;)

  39. rich says:

    What does Ian McKellean gotta do with it?

  40. That Guy says:

    How did this joke go over so many people’s heads? It’s saying that reading the Bible would turn almost anyone into an atheist. It’s such an absurd book with so many factual errors, contradictions and fallacies that it would be nearly impossible to read it and believe that it came from an allegedly infallible god.

    I mean this book claims that pi = 3 and that the world was made in 7 days. We can prove both of those facts wrong easily. And those are only some of the more obvious errors.

  41. Chris says:

    “Funny how you mentioned that the chart isn’t backed up by a single piece of convincing evidence… a chart about the Bible… full of claims that also aren’t backed up by a single piece of convincing evidence…”

    I nearly choked my lunch all over my screen when I read that. Funnier than the whole article. The irony of someone putting the case forward for the Bible by stating that there is no evidence… You mean like the contents of the Bible…

  42. Andy says:

    I don’t think that anyone really understands this joke (and if you don’t realize it’s a joke you should probably just stop reading). He’s making fun of the fact that the people who genuinely learn the most about christianity, a.k.a people who read the whole bible (and understand all of what is said, both figuratively and historically) generally come to find distaste for the religion surrounding it.

  43. Kage says:

    I am an atheist and I have the Holy Bible and the Qu’ran downloaded on my Blackberry.

  44. George says:

    It would have been funny if it was true…

  45. Jesus Banging Moron says:

    “Dur I don’t get jokes! Where is all the scientific evidence we normally wont listen to??? Atheists are stupid because they don’t believe in the same bullshit I do!”

    Fuck off bible thumpers, unknot your panties because this is just a fucking joke! And a justifiable joke, because most fucking Christians know less about their fucked up religion than Atheists, because Atheists actually QUESTION things and don’t just blindly believe in nonsense.

  46. Haeretic says:

    lol @ all the bible thumpers working hard to disprove the comedy.

  47. Lawrenceg says:

    Judging by the amount of space taken up by the Pope and Ian Mckellen only about 25 people on the planet have read the bible (the highest selling book of all time), it also seems to say that there are no atheist anthropology students.

  48. Chuck Lasker says:

    Hilarious… not so much the graphic, which is funny and true, but the reactions. Tweaking Christians is so easy. It does make me wonder why I would want to be a Christian – they’re all so angry all the time. What does Christ do to them that makes them so angry?

  49. gogo says:

    no proof needed, everyone knows there is no god. And if you do beleive, then the underlying question should always come down to, Who created god? Humans beings just like yourselves to control and dwindle down the population. If you believe otherwise, then deep down you have to know your truely kidding yourselves. Truely. Lose the ego, people, there is no invisible man in the sky looking after us. It’s the weakest form of habitual crutch.

  50. ZachsMind says:

    I didn’t read it cover to cover as a Believer and I’m certainly not gonna start now. In Sunday school it was fed to us verse by verse, bible story by bible story, but not in any real order and a lot was censored. For example I had no idea after Lot’s wife turned to salt, his own daughters got him so drunk he couldn’t see straight and then raped him in a cave! Didn’t Sodom & Gomorrah just get blown up cuz of all the sinfulness? WTF? They skipped that bit in Sunday school.

    I can say the more I read, the less I believed. The contradictions. The accusations. The blatant hatred for anything that even remotely disagrees with the One True God and his Chosen People. God’s authoritarian obsession with vengeance and judgment. Stoning people for carrying a bushel of wheat on the Sabbath. The god described in the bible is paranoid and schizophrenic and narcissistic and abysmally unfair. Also, I seriously doubt that many Protestant Fundamentalists have actually read it cover to cover.

    Religion is a con. Anyone who tells you different is conning you.

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